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Today I’ll be hitting on various issues from anxiety disorders right through to phobias. (because I’ve lived it for 14 years and I’ve finally found something that works).
My journey begins being on a train some 14 years ago. I had never suffered with anxiety let alone phobias or panic attacks all which have taken place in the most extreme forms over this last decade. In order for you to connect to this writing I have to be brutally honest about my life.
The truth was that I am from a background that did not accept me as I am gay/lesbian or whichever label society has come to accept. Giving this truth I felt suffocated as I was unable to voice my true nature to the world around me. This caused much suffering throughout my childhood. Fighting with religious parents and going through trauma is putting this story lightly. This affected me right up to my adult life in turn this created something I didn’t realise until much later. These early traumas would be the writing on the wall for my life with phobias and panic attacks.
At first I didn’t know what this was I was on a journey to work via train. Out of nowhere my heart starts racing, thudding it was like thunder in my ears. I’m hot I feel like I’m going to pass out, actually I thought I was going to die. A stranger sat diagonal to my right asked if I was ok? I couldn’t speak I started to cry. This was the moment panic attacks started.
From that point I did what any other person does, they avoid the situation they were in at that time to keep themselves safe from those feelings. Only to find out almost 14 years later the steps I took magnified the problem, in fact they created the problem. After my experience, I never got on a train again. Each time I attempted I was faced with the same feeling so I stayed away.
For me it did not stop at trains, unfortunately my world became a lot smaller over the years to come. I stopped getting on public transport all together. Anything that was an enclosure I would avoid. Small rooms, crowded places, unfamiliar places, lifts, buses, trains, airplane hell no. Anything and everything with central locking or security doors that you cannot get out of unless you push a button or use a swipe card. Constant racing my mind “wheres the exit sign”. This was going to be the long road ahead of my claustrophobia journey. Not only claustrophobia but agoraphobia was about to set in too, only I wasn’t to know it.
HAVE A PILL! TAKE MORE DRUGS! CREATE MORE PANIC ATTACKS??
Like any and all of us, first point of contact the doctor. Of course, I went down the drug route. You can name the antidepressant of your choice I’ve had it. Add beta blockers, diazepam, at one point I was on a 6 to 8 pill combination that’s right! Only it wasn’t ok. Feeling like a nervous wreck oh god the side effects the vomiting. I couldn’t do it anymore I became so ill. So, I stopped all drugs and decided I wasn’t getting the help I needed from the NHS (this is not a criticism towards the NHS I believe we are lucky to have them in the United Kingdom. At that time in my life I just needed more). I saw a counsellor, in fact I saw several.
I was put on a long waiting list we are taking years. The only way to get seen by a psychologist is if you’re a threat to yourself. Basically if your suicidal which later again I was to become but wasn’t to know. By this point I didn’t do much but stay in my flat most of the time. I had got to a suicidal point in my thoughts and also got very close to giving it a go on more than 1 or 2 occasions.
Dark became my mind that life had become a blur of numbing pain. This life that I thought I’d never ever see the end of. Outsiders think you’re ok, people that do not know or understand mental health frown at you when you explain. They just don’t seem to get it. In the life I was in not having people understand was a lonely place.
GODS DISGUISED AS PEOPLE
Hitting rock bottom and wanting to commit suicide due to mental health is NOT what defines me. What I did about it screams the person and character strength I have and am. We all have choices no matter how hard it gets.
In my darkest hours came light and hope through friends and family, all be it much damage was done there was hope. Through continued on and off support from sisters. My partner back then and friends I got back on track but I was never the same person. I started to see many psychologists over the years all private. In the most recent 5 years or so I even ventured to London for the best money can buy. This venture was with extreme difficulty and panic attacks along the way.
Let’s have look at what I tried and tested. I cannot say that nothing helped as an accumulation of everything played a part. However nothing returned me back to my former self before that day on the train.
- Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP)
- Psychotherapy/ Psychoanalytic Therapy
- Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT)
- Psycho – Hypnosis
- Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing Therapy (EMDR)
Above is but to name a few. Along my journey I also decided that if no one out there including professionals could not help me I was to become my own best self – help tool.
WHERE THE JOURNEY BEGAN
Even whilst having all the symptoms, I had learned various forms of coping through all my various therapies. I’ve become a dab hand at performing coping strategies. I know the onset of panic attacks, the start of anxiety and my phobia coming on a mile off. I can help dilute these problems and a sufferer to calm very effectively. Having become so skilled with this area of mental health that the only thing missing against my name are the letters PHD.
I have devoured hundreds of books over this last decade, and still do. This is keeping up to date with the latest training and therapy. If I can try it and help others through my writing my mission is complete. I’ve done so much self-development that I’ve mentored others away from classic drugs and therapy with huge success. I do not sell services or sessions these are just examples of what has become due to self-study with the aim to cure myself. I do however run this self-development website hence you are reading this awesome post!
HELPING OTHERS HAS BECOME FULL TIME
I never knew I would leave my 9 – 5 and embark on a journey of self – help to help myself and others across the globe. It was hard to hold on to the 9 – 5 due to mental health, however I got pretty far up the ladder at a young age when I got there I decided this was not feeding my soul. I had to share my journey on a platform so to spark and ignite others into knowing that there is help. Knowing that time can be rewound and you can become your former self without any of these symptom’s in your life again.
Anxiety is good for you in moderation, it keeps us safe from imminent danger or a threat and that is what it was designed for. In the modern times, we don’t have the same threats as we once did as cavemen. Anxiety is the same feeling as excitement, it can be the good or the bad. It’s our choice.
Anxiety which headed straight to panic attacks with phobias thrown into the mix has been a very difficult journey. Up until very recently I stumbled upon a profound therapist. Graham Price, before I continue with this side of my journey I want the reader of this post that suffers from any of the above to understand that my journey has taken 14 years and I would never advocate something if It wasn’t true. I am already aware of how difficult mental health is and given the above journey all the therapy I’ve tried it would be fair for me to give the best advice possible. Further to this, this happening with Graham it was almost a chance meeting as I would have had to travel to meet him which I was unable to do.
THE BOOKCASE IS FULL
If you are a reader or familiar with Waterstones or any book stores for this matter, and happen to go down the self – help aisle you would find most of this section on my personal bookcase. This being said I’d given up thinking that I would never revert back to my former mental health.
What I didn’t know, in all the therapy I’ve tried all the coping mechanisms and tools that were given to me were actually making everything worse! That’s right I have been up until recently doing the very opposite which has increased all my symptoms and magnified the issues and phobias over my life. Given the multitude of therapy I’ve had and its amalgamation all in all the results have been nowhere near as what I’ve had with Graham.
Above is my personal case study, I can proudly say after 6 sessions with graham I was able to undo much of my behaviour. This includes getting in lifts, yes after all these years I’ve been whizzing in and out of lifts over seasonal periods as well with children being off school and main town centres being crowded. I’ve managed to leave my home town and travel on my own, at one point I noted that my claustrophobia had started crossing with agoraphobia which in turn meant that I would not willingly leave my home town without major discomfort. In fact, I rarely did until now.
My day to day anxiety has left the building that’s right. I’ve actually tried really hard to become anxious in the situations surrounding my phobias to NO avail NONE. It seems the harder I try the harder it is to have panic attacks.
My plans in the upcoming weeks, I’ll be travelling on a train, I’ve been to the train station which would be the onset of panic attacks. I’ve had nothing. The biggest changes are being in crowded restaurants and crowded malls. I keep waiting for the anxiety but it doesn’t come? Why?
Graham Price can explain all of it and more with his free webinar, by clicking his name this will take you through to a training webinar which lasts just over an hour and 30 minutes and takes you through the training I’ve had and still having as I work with him currently.
Even as I have been very successful and completed the training I still choose to have private sessions with Graham due to his cutting-edge knowledge. It’s not just the newest thing on the market that should be tried it’s a cure that rewinds time for suffers and people that suffer with anxiety. Even if you have day to day anxiety this will stop it, in its tracks and help you lead a very successful life.
Luck is not needed in this journey action is.
Until next time
All my love
Please note I am not in any way a psychologist and I’m not here to give advice instead of you following your personal practitioner. Please read a further disclosure on my website with regards to affiliate marketing.